I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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