I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
