I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
