i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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