shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I touched a dick in church today
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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