WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
