So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
