i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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