Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
