It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
