you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
