just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she peed on how many people?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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