Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
