I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
