so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
