its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
