Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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