8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
