I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
