No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
this just has baby written all over it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
