You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
