Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
