I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
