is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
