i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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