he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
