took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
