What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
