he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
