How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
