At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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