dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
