He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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