Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just found puke in my bra..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
