Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
