I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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