I didn't shave. On purpose
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
