We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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