Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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