and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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