last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
