Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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