the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You can't special order awesome
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
