Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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