how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
