I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
