do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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