quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
