I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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