...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
