Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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