No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
